- hair loss
- VERY sleepy
- moody (which I still am)
- weight gain
Symptoms of hypothyroidism vary from case to case. Again, I am not claiming to be a health professional but, these are symptoms I over looked and only my blood test revealed. I feel so relieved to not be afraid of regular blood tests (even though it has been almost 3.5 years since I have done one) A simple test gave me the answers to my body and the problems it was facing.
Facing hypothyroidism has been an interesting battle. I think I have come to terms with it most days and others it makes me want to cry and get angry. Not angry because "why me" but angry because it is not just something you feel once and awhile it is a day to day life of feeling tired, or moody and struggling with weight. Some people are able to manage it much better than others, and those like me who are used to their body being a certain way take these changes quite hard. And even the smallest comment after I tell people about my thyroid saying, "I noticed you put on a couple pounds," or before telling them someone say, "you're developing well," or "someone has been feeding you good." Even people with the most clear conscious can't see past these comments and soon (much like me) become completely focused on them to the point of no return. I have always been exceptionally good at expressing my feelings through poetry but normally about my heartache and pain with loss, never about my negativity about my body. I had become to recognize that no woman in my life was *completely* happy with what they saw in the mirror and to me, it became a social norm that I allowed myself to conceal. Much like a closet smoker, I knew it was bad for me and that most people knew it was happening but I was doing nothing, a long with everyone around me. It became a part of me, something I got used to. Men telling me I was attractive and me laughing and say do you see these hips? these are NOT attractive hips! Not being able to take a compliment isn't humble, and it's also not being conceited if you say thank you and accept it. It is actually hurtful to those people who see your beauty to have such a reaction at their comment.
Imagine... "Wow, your baby is adorable," replying, "You're only saying that because you can't see her rolls"
Okay, so when do rolls become the cutest thing ever to the most tragic thing for a girl? I am not sure but growing up in a photoshop generation doesn't make it easy. Were fixated on perfection and don't even know what it is because it is skewed with the touch of a mouse. My weight and body image problems didn't start over night when my doctor told me I had hypothyroidism but it certainly didn't help. I often wonder what hinders us more, the way media portrays us or the way we look for the media to show us what makes us? During my first year of university I reached out to the Dove Campaign wanting to be a positive change for women of all ages. When I got the return letting the heading looked familiar to me so I did some research and discovered that Dove may have a beauty campaign but the same people own Axe, and if we have ever seen Axe commercials we know they are somewhat offensive and sexist. I mean how many women have ACTUALLY flocked on men because of their body spray? I felt a little, misguided and a little ashamed too. I mean how can they try and claim "real" beauty and then depict something entirely different in another add... I guess what ever increases sales?
I have always been able to transfer from one of the girls to one of the boys quite easily and maybe because I can identify well with both I struggle to understand my own identity and body image. Dealing with emotions about my body and self esteem is something I struggle with each and everyday. I love to stress eat, cry eat, whine eat, party eat, sit eat, think eat... I love to burry things with food because food has been something I have used to cope. Now, my thyroid hates me and I have to get back on track and start telling people when they hurt my feelings, or talking about things that happened during my day. Basically when I said "Nothing," to my mom when she asked me what was new in school, or in life, what I really should have said was everything....
Until next time,
Kelsey
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