A Brand New Life: "Sorta"

So, life of eating anything I wanted and it burning itself off has come to a quick and upsetting halt. Here I am at 21 years old now fighting a new life, learning to manage a thyroid that has now become lazy and barely existent. Now, every time I eat something unhealthy I feel gross and guilty (much like one should feel) however, it frustrates me because there is little to no straight answers about what IS good for those of us suffering with this condition. Some professionals say don't eat this and don't eat that, then when I consult someone else, they end up telling me the opposite. I have decided to take it upon myself to discover what works for me and what doesn't. Everybody is so unique and different so maybe it depends on our life style, what we do, what we like and how active we are. Myself, I was at a happy and healthy weight only in March and discovered my thyroid problem in July. Since March I have gained the 15 pounds I worked so hard to get off, and now struggling to get it off once again. It seems like a never ending battle that makes me want to throw the towel in..... and eat chocolate. However, that isn't who I am nor is it the example I want to set. I am not pretending to be a health professional and anything I say is through my own personal experiences and testing on my own.

The last couple days I have been practicing "clean" eating. trying to eliminate fatty foods and get my nutrients through natural foods. Me and bread have this love hate relationship. I love bread buuuuut it is hindering my progress so... for 2 days I have not had any and I am not missing it as much as I would have thought. Also, instead of white potatoes it is a full time switch to sweet potatoes. Eating lots of fruits and veggies and trying many new things I would have never tried before. Avocado hummus? yep I made it, and loved it! However, I can feel my body craving things but hoping that subsides once I start to feel better. I not only hope to achieve the weight loss with the clean eating but also, to help my thyroid start to produce the hormones its lacking again. Not sure if this will be possible, some say it is some say it is not... but I would prefer not to be on medication for the rest of my life so here's the first start to try and figure out my body.

Many may shake their heads at me, some may be happy I am writing because they don't know who to talk to about their hypothyroidism, but in the end I am doing this for myself. So that I can look back and see how I changed my own life by admitting that I need to make some serious changes before my "hypothyroidism" takes over my life.

I am constantly wearing oversized t-shirts and baggy clothes because I am completely ashamed and appalled about the weight I have. Even the littlest comments of people in my life send me over the edge not wanting to leave the house or going through 100 outfits before being able to feel what I believe to be "comfortable" I come off as someone who lets things roll off my back, not bothered by the closed minds of others. What some people don't know is how hard it was for me to go from school to school growing up begging for new friends, never completely being accepted as part of any crowd. If I was friends with you at some point and we don't talk at all anymore (ever), know I still think about you just wasn't able to conform to what I needed to feel like I was a part of that group. This is getting a little off topic and I believe that I have those people who will always be in my life for good: my advice for those in my life..

1. don't tell me I'm "brave" for wearing a bikini, what the hell is that supposed to mean anyways? that because of my body I should be happy that I am strong enough to ignore what I look like in the mirrior. (Awkward, "thanks")

2. "OMG you look so nice all dressed up" -  well first of all thanks for the compliment but I have never been a girly girl, I would trade a dress for a ball cap and jeans any day. However, can't you just say I look nice, instead of making it a HUGE deal that I did my hair. I love my messy bun, embrace it with me.

3. Kelsey, seriously you look "fine" - in one context one would think someone was calling me a foxy lady but this isn't how it normally goes.. its more like get dressed I want to leave, and if you change one more time I am leaving without you. Well... this leaves an everlasting impression on how I view clothes, they suck and make me look worse than I usually feel.

Really, I just want to be the healthiest 21 year-old-girl I could possibly become and sometimes society and the world around us makes it difficult to achieve what we feel to be bodily success. Maybe I am being over critical and the sociologist in me wants to not be affected by these stereotypes and problems. However, I have to remember I do have a medical condition that makes losing the weight a little more difficult, this is me telling you excuses aside.. I want to change, I just need to learn how and with the help of my friends and family I hope to achieve this even with hypothyroidism.


Until next time,

Kelsey