It has been too long since I wrote and to be frank, it is simply because I just didn't have the time or the energy after a long day. It has been hard enough getting my thoughts out in person so I just didn't have it in me to write.
things that are new:
I moved into a new apartment
Started my 4th year of university (one more semester to go after this)
Began researching for the Honours program
Started my position as a T.A.
Started feeling crappy again...
and well, back to the tiredness.
I know and understand that many women are diagnosed with hypothyroidism and that it is common to have an under acting thyroid. I just don't know of anyone else talking about it. It's not that I feel "sad" about my condition, or even pulling the "poor me" angle. I just think it is important to talk about things openly so those who have it don't feel alone and also those who don't understand my ever changing moods (haha, my poor boyfriend)
So anyways, after a few weeks of medication and feeling like things were finally changing for me I have come back to this wall that leave me frustrated. I am due to go for blood work next week and I am sure it will show that my thyroid is still in a low bracket range.
My symptoms of:
1. fatigue
2. hair loss
3. mood swings
4. no more weight loss or changes
have come back to slam me in the face. I guess I know this is a work in progress I just wish I could be on the right dose of medication immediately.. but I know that's not possible. I just want to feel better and get back to the happy healthy Kelsey. I have no patience what-so-ever which makes weight loss and also getting my thyroid in check a very stressful situation. I know I am not only uncomfortable with my body but also unhappy. I am completely aware of these things and try to change my eating habits and exercise but without my thyroid kicking into the play I almost feel at a up hill climb, where I get closer to the top and then the clouds had hidden the rest of the journey.
I know there is no "quick fix" solution or anything that will allow me to wake up the next day feeling the way I want, but after hard work and dedication I know I will one day be able to wake up and feel that way.. even if it takes longer than I want.
As a little, and big sister and an aspiring sociologist I know a lot about body image and how it makes us feel. As a big sister I want to constantly reassure my girls they are beautiful and that it does not define them. However, I am so bad at taking my own advice. Why do I let the scale dictate my feelings? Why do I let my insecurities take over my moods? and why do I let my frustrations out on those closest to me? Honestly, I don't think I will ever know the answers and I think that's okay. I hope I can learn through helping others that my advice is helpful. (I mean I don't own a scale, and for good reason). It's hard though being bombarded with adds everywhere we go? How can weight not be something we fixate over when even when we run into a convenience store we cannot approach the counter with magazines selling us "How Jennifer Lopez lost her weight!!" or Cosmo having a half naked woman on it. I just don't understand, is there a magazine out there with an "average woman" that says: recipes you'll love, how to better understand your body or better yet "How to avoid comparing yourself to billboard adds: THEY'RE PHOTOSHOPPED" Without the proper education on what is happening in society more and more girls will be more likely to end up with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia and also trigger an over eating disorder as well. We as a society have an obligation to guide the young and defenceless and here we are skewing and warping their minds. Maybe I am mistaken, but there are bigger things to follow with our society that we cannot even imagine.
Body image is so much more than being able to be comfortable with your skin; its about being comfortable in it.
Until next time,
Kelsey xoxo
